I'll call soon

I'll call soon. How many times have we said those words? Those words are making me ache, those words are making me cry over and over, those words...

Six years ago I was in the mortgage industry. I was approached by a company to have my own office in Manhattan, Ks. and get so much business I wouldn't know what to do with. The company had signed a contract with some builders in a neighboring town with a Military base. At that time the base was expanding with thousands of soldiers pouring in and of course they were going to need housing. I was so excited! I was going to have this business to get me going while I built relationships with Realtors. I was going to have this business to pay off my past and the poor decisions I had made along the way. This was finally it for me, something was going to finally work out.

And so I began my search for the perfect office suite.... I found it! It had two big windows and it's own bathroom... bonus. I asked if I could paint the walls because the stark white staring back at me didn't feel very welcoming. I wanted my clients to feel at home and relaxed while making all of the important choices refinancing or buying that home that they had wanted for so long. Cafe' au lait! perfect! I spent a day getting it just right, re-arranging my desk and waiting.

The day I finished painting my office I was told that the "contract" didn't happen and I was going to have to try and start from scratch...just me...no help. I remember sitting there that day thinking what have I done? I quit my job, my hourly comfortable, every two weeks a check in my account job? And I cried.. a lot. Half way through that day I looked up and saw Jerry.

Jerry was the Farmers insurance guy across the hall. He had beautiful white hair and a smile...oh that smile it would light up a room. Jerry also made one mean cup of coffee. Half calf half decaf Caines coffee. He asked me if I would like a cup and of course I really needed a drink, but since it was 11am I decided the caffeine would have to do the trick. I sat in his office and we instantly became friends.

Throughout the next few months Jerry saw me cry quite a few more times and he would just smile that smile and tell me a story about his life to cheer me up. Stories about when he was a professional pool player and then Jerry told me about when he found Christ and how good it felt, and how real it felt. He would pray with me, and for me and it felt good. I drank a lot more coffee than I should have, but it gave me an excuse to sit and talk about anything with Jer. And when I would leave to walk across the hall he would always say... no matter what I do know one thing. You are lookin' ,sharp, sharp, sharp.

After the last empty promise from my company slipped through the cracks, I picked myself up and moved out of my office. I would still talk to Jerry, but our talks got further and further apart. The last time I talked to Jerry was around eight or nine months ago. Today I tried to call his office and a woman answered the phone. I asked for Jerry and she put me on hold. After a few minutes she came back and asked me if I had an insurance question, and I said no I just noticed Jerry's name wasn't on my statements anymore. She paused and said I am sorry but he passed away right before Christmas. I couldn't get any words to come out, only tears. She said she was sorry that I had to find out that way. I said thank you and goodbye.

I walked out of my office and drove home. My heart hurts I can't stop crying and I am tired. But one thing keeps popping into my head and that is the last time that Jerry and I talked. I had to call about an insurance question...we talked for around half an hour but I had to get back to work. Jerry said it's okay kid I know you are busy but there is one thing for sure... I bet you are lookin' sharp, sharp, sharp.. I giggled and said I wished we could talk longer and I'll call soon.

I'll call soon...I'll call soon... soon never happened. What a way to learn a lesson.

Make those calls, tell them how much you care, how much they mean to you.

And Jerry, please look down and know how much you meant to me and I know one thing for sure... You are up in Heaven lookin' sharp, sharp, sharp.

Neglect

I have been neglecting this blog. But I do have a couple of new images on my photography blog. You'll have to let me know what you think.